I wanna cry...

I applied for a job recently and surprise surprise i didnt get it. Now my friend has just gone and got a better paying job than that one. Another example of why i think i am the unluckiest person in the world. I know i should be happy for my friend but im not that humble. I am angry and jealous. I guess i am as ugly on the inside as i am the outside.

And i've been putting weight on. I tried to purge at the wekkend but only a little bit came out. I have to try harder next time. I am NOT going to be fat by the end of the year. I AM going to be skinny. That's all i have going for me.

Mohitos Motherf*ckers ;)

Yh i probs spelt it wrong but who cares? Not when it tastes this good! Tomorrow it's time to get serious!!!

Chiseled Cheekbones...

OMG!!! Even saying those words is enough to make me get excited lol. I would kill to look like this! To me thats as close to perfection as you can get.

Boom Boom Boom!

My head is killing me! Probably because i've eaten hardly nothing and smoke and drank way too much.

A little history lesson....

Heres a little background information about myself. Im 6ft1, 11 stone 1.2lb/155.2lb and have a B.M.I of 20.6. So whats wrong i here you ask? It all sounds perfectly healthy on paper but inside i couldnt feel less healthy if i tried.

I feel so fat and my self esteem is at such a low level. I smoke like a chimney and drink a lot to block out my daily life. Just this morning i drank two energy drinks, one laced with vodka, and plan on having a lot more alcohol tonight. I used to smoke weed but i cant stand it now at all. Even the smell makes me feel sick. I've tried cocaine on two occassions but i never really understood what the hype was all about. Apart from making my lips and tounge numb i feel i didnt do nothing for me.

So, quite a hot mess then right? Well maybe not so hot...

Dont Get It Twisted

Just to clear up, the title of this blog is not because im conceited! In fact far from it. Its kind of a parody of how i feel about myself. And besides, if the entire world loved Chris but Chris dont love himself, then what does it matter?

Share My World!

Welcome to my Blog! My name is Chris. Im not gonna say anything other than that.....for now!

Im starting this blog after being inspired by reading the blog of Jeremy Gillitzer. His story touched me so deeply and i found myself compelled to read on, despite it being so hard at times. I found myself literally in tears. I found it so hard to understand how someone so beautiful could be in so much self induced pain. While im not suffering on his level, i related to a lot of the things he said in his blog.

I hope to use my blog as a form of therapy. Where i can be totally honest and free from judgement. I hope to be able to help as many people as i can and hopefully help myself. Im just gonna tell my story and share my world!